


Waiting for the Sun

by shinysylver



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-04
Updated: 2011-10-04
Packaged: 2017-10-24 07:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysylver/pseuds/shinysylver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is falling apart and Steve doesn't know how to fix it. (Coda to 2.03)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting for the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Hawaii Five-0.
> 
> Spoilers for episode 2.03.

It had been a bad day. A month ago Steve would have expected Danny to come over for beers after a case like this one. They would sit out on the lanai and talk about anything and everything _except_ the case, yet somehow it would help. Somehow a night talking about Grace's school or Danny's worries about Matt would make the other things melt away. But now things were different. He and Danny were different.

Steve sighed and stared at the unopened beer in his hand. Deciding that tonight wasn't a beer sort of night, he put it back in the fridge and got a bottle of bourbon out of his father's liquor cabinet instead. He grabbed a glass and poured himself two fingers, drained it, then poured himself four more before taking it and the bottle out onto the lanai with him.

Today had hit close to home, too close. For a large part of his life, the SEALs had been the closest thing Steve had to a functioning family and to see them hurting and vulnerable hadn't been easy. To make matters worse, his new family was imploding. Between Kono pushing them all away and Lori throwing everything off balance things were fracturing faster than he could fix them. He didn't even know where to start.

That wasn't exactly true. He knew that he had to fix things with Danny before he could even think about the rest, but he didn't know how. Things weren't even broken with Danny, not like they were with Kono, but without Danny he was lost. And, yeah, Danny was still there, still holding him back when he went to far, still teasing him about stupid things, but it wasn't the same. Danny didn't even want to be here, he'd made that perfectly clear in the car. If Danny had left this job he could have made things work with Rachel. If he'd left he could have been happy.

Steve swirled the bourbon in the glass, watching the amber whirlpool he created. If he hadn't fucked up and gotten arrested then Danny might have been happy. If he hadn't kept pressing for Wo Fat then Kono might not have gotten into the mess she was in. If he wasn't such a selfish fuck up, then people he cared about wouldn't be miserable.

Steve heard the door creak behind him, but didn't turn around. There was only one person with the code to his house. "What're you doing here?"

"Am I not welcome?" Danny asked. He walked into Steve's line of sight and held out a six-pack of beer. "I thought we did this thing after cases. You know the thing where we drink beer and forget about it?" Danny nodded at the bottle of bourbon. "But apparently today's case needed more than beer. How much of that have you had?"

Steve shrugged. "Not enough."

Danny sat down in the other chair and set the beer on the ground next to him, taking one for himself. "Just don't drink so much that I have to put you to bed. I don't take care of drunk people when I'm off the clock. And even then I mostly just arrest them and throw them in the drunk tank."

Steve rolled his eyes. "When was the last time you even saw the drunk tank?"

"I walked past it every day at HPD," Danny answered. He took a sip of his beer, then turned to look seriously at Steve. "I have known you for a year now and never seen you drink anything harder than that margarita at Kono's birthday party. What's going on?"

Steve drained the rest of his glass, the burn making a warm flush stain his cheeks. "Oh I don't know. Someone was killing my brothers--as if we haven't had a hard enough year already--and at home no less. To survive the war only to come home and die..." Steve shook his head. "We stopped it, it's not important."

"Of course it is," Danny said. "If someone had been killing cops I'd sure as hell be upset about it."

Steve waved his hand dismissively and poured some more bourbon. "It's really not important. Not with all the other crap going on. Between the governor tying my hands--"

"You know," Danny interrupted. "Lori really isn't that bad. I mean she is way too nosy when it comes to things like my marriage, but if she were really the Governor's lapdog there's no way our assault on that cult last week would have happened. She's former FBI. They tend to be a bit sensitive about things that remind them of Waco, but she kept her mouth shut and went along for the ride." Danny smirked. "Literally."

Steve sighed. "It's not just that. Everything that's going on with Kono. Last year I could have kept her on the task force even without her badge but now they want to make an example of her. And I know that if her hands weren't tied she wouldn't be--" Steve's voice hitched and he took a deep breath. "All of this is my fault. If I wasn't such a selfish idiot Kono would be fine and you and Rachel would be together."

"Hold up," Danny said. He stood up and picked up the bottle of bourbon. "How much of this have you had?"

"I just opened it today."

Danny looked at the bottle, then sat it down out of Steve's reach. "Half a bottle is more than enough for you."

Steve looked at the bottle in surprise. He hadn't realized that he'd drank that much of it, although that did explain why the tip of his tongue was numb.

"Steve, do you know what I think is selfish?" Danny asked.

"What?"

"Assuming that any of this has to do with you," Danny responded. "Yes, you could have done some things differently, and it would be nice if you listened to me next time instead of running in head first, but none of this is your fault. Kono made her choices, eyes wide open." Danny sat down on the edge of his chair and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "And I really don't know how you can possibly blame yourself for what happened with Rachel."

"Don't you?" Steve asked. "Today in the car when you said things would be different if you'd taken more time..."

"Yeah," Danny said. "If I'd taken more time when we were actually married Rachel and I might be okay now. And maybe if I had gone to New Jersey with her this time it would have changed something, but I doubt it. It doesn't matter either way. I did what I had to do."

"Because I was an idiot and forced your hand," Steve pointed out.

Danny shrugged. "You're usually an idiot, but you never force my hand. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be. Even back when you recruited me against my will I had options and could have said no. But the things we're doing here, they make a difference, and that means something to me. Other than Grace, this job is everything to me. And that's something that Rachel has never been able to live with."

Steve sighed. "I just want you to be happy. You deserve that."

"So you do you," Danny said. "So does Kono. So does Chin. There are very few people who don't deserve to be happy, Steve, but the world doesn't work that way."

Steve laughed bitterly. "Trust me, I know that. But it doesn't mean I don't want it for you."

Danny studied Steve with soft eyes. "I know you do. But I'm not ready for happiness yet. I have to get over this latest thing with Rachel first."

Steve dropped his eyes to the empty glass in his hand. He wasn't deaf, he could hear the double meaning to Danny's words. "Am I that obvious?" Steve asked, the bourbon making his tongue loose.

"Little bit," Danny said. He sat back and grinned at Steve. "It's your eyes, they give you away. How could you even do secret missions with those eyes? You lied about Strawberry Fields didn't you? I bet it was really your Beatles cover band. Which one were you? John? You seem like a John to me."

Steve grinned, happy that Danny wasn't running from this. He was changing the subject and talking too fast, but not running. "At least I'm not Ringo."

"Are you trying to imply that I am?" Danny asked. "Because I can assure you that I'm Paul."

"Which makes you the walrus." Steve collapsed back in the chair laughing. "Danno is the walrus."

"Very funny," Danny muttered. "I should have cut you off sooner."

The offended look on Danny's face only made Steve laugh harder. It felt good to laugh. He hadn't laughed like this in a long time.

"I'm glad _you're_ amused," Danny said. Steve could tell that Danny was trying for frustrated but his tone said that he was actually amused too.

"Thank you, Danny," Steve finally said when his laughter died down, hoping that Danny could hear how much he meant it.

"Anytime, babe." Danny smiled at him. "Anytime."

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song "I Am the Walrus" by the Beatles.


End file.
